my 2009

2010 will be in itself different and remarkable. besides, it is the last year of the first decade of the 21st century.

each year is different from the other. my 2009 gave me different experiences, i had my ups and downs and my just-in-the-middle kind of living in a day to day basis. and if there's one thing 2009 is similar from my previous years it is filling up my agenda in every second, and each and every tick is remarkable and it made something in me to a different person. turning me into a new mortal (could be a better one or worst than before).

to start of -- i turned 31 this year, still a wife and bestchum to my husband but now a mother and playmates of my 2 lovely boys. i've gained weight from 2007 because of me being pregnant before that year end, and gave birth to my 080808 boy last year, and i am still having a hard time shedding the weight off from me. i enrolled myself into boxing as my way of exercise, but i only stayed in the program for less than 2 months. not because i got bored, but because i was called to be in a project. i love BOXING and i believe that this is the workout for me (i just hope i can hop back soon on the ring -- don't bother to ask for the reason why am i saying this). i am still a project at work in reaching my target weight, so crossing my fingers that i will not get sick and tired of trying.

my mom was stated to be in 4th stage cancer by her onco about 3 months ago, that's really not good news. but mom has been a cancer-fighter for 9 years now. few years ago, she was declared to be cancer-free and it stayed that way for almost6-7 years. then came 2007, the cancer came back. and it was even a greater battle for my mom. she's a tough woman, and she's always ready to fight again, and if it's really time to let go, i know my mom is also prepared for that moment. my mom has always been a good testimony of a cancer-survivor-fighter. and for now, our heart's desire is to bring her to fuda cancer hospital in guangzhou, china. we never lose our faith in God.

i lost interest on some stuff that i used to love -- and one of them is taking photos. specially when i get to go out of the country, one thing i usually do is take photos of everything i find interesting and even me being a camera-whore. i gave up my old digicam and handed it over to my sister -- my canon A530 has served me well for the past 4 years and it was wonderful having it around and capture lot of interesting things in my life. another thing is watching movies and tv series, being a tv addict myself, i think only for this year i had rehab in this addiction, about 80% of my tv life was removed from my senses. maybe because i was in a project for about 10 months, and was asked to work almost 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and even holidays (just to make it clear, it was not voluntary but enforced to us...blek!!!). i've seen few movies during my stay at jakarta, but still missed-out most of the movies (with the very same reason i said above).

in terms of gadgets and collections, i got some few stuff...some where upgraded some are really new. before the year ended last 2008, the company gave us a 2GB flash drive that we call as hydro (but i named mine as HORNETS), and when i arrived home from jakarta i was given another flash drive with 4GB capacity (and i named her, HONICS). my bettyb00py (company laptop assigned to me) was upgraded too early this year. from 1.5GB memory to 3.5GB memeory and from 160GB to 320 GB HD. as for mobile phones: i got 2 additional cellphone, the nokia N71 (named: pangga) and the htc p3400i (named: catwoman). and the latest toy i got is my canon G11 digicam (named as: the serial killer) up to this moment, i am still playing around it and so far, i'm so loving it...love love love this cam. for my jeans collection, i was able to reward myself with 2 pairs of levi's redtab jeans, and 1 non-branded jeans. i also had 2 LV, 1 kipling and 1 non-branded bag that is so cute (with sexy fashionista cats as the print) to add up in my bag collections. the husband also got me a pair of high-cut yellow chuck, and 3 sets of crocs (thankee pangga *mamamuah*).

i still work in the same company (for 9 years, 5 months and 1 day), but i have gained more knowledge about my work this year. if there's a thing i love in what i do now, is learning new techy things. upgrading my knowledge and somewhat makes me competitive and still marketable in my so called "field of expertise".

more than all the stuff i lost and have gained, more than all the places i visited and events that i missed, what really matters at the end of the day is what kind of person i have become with all the things that passed my way in 2009. i still love and loved more people, but i was also broken and had my heart torn into bits, it's so painful. sometimes i'm not at my right state, i lost balance, my wits and serenity. that at times i blame the world for it's cruelty cause i'm so much in pain, then i feel numb. i look and stand in the rain so no one will see that i am crying -- that's how i wanted nature to sympathize with me. i often soak my self in the shower, and drown all my hurts, troubles and frustrations. but that doesn't stop there. with every fall i i had, i learn how to pick every pieces of me and stand again. that every after storm there's a rainbow with a pot of gold waiting for me. i am thankful that i was gifted with the ability to let go easily, but sometimes i also see it as a disadvantage cause i feel like i still want to mourn and be emotional about losing and letting go. another thing that i am thankful about is how easily i can just grab a box of chocolate and a cup of my caramel macchiato everytime i feel so down, it just makes my life sweet. and to my (very few) loyal trusted friends, thanks guys for being you and for slapping me at times i needed it -- and by that i know that you are a true friend cause you guys never tolerated my stupidity...thanks thanks thanks. i'm grateful that i belong my family who never cease to love me, understand me and support me come what may. to my family and friends i will always and forever love love love you guys. and of course, i will alway be proud to say that i am a christian -- that the God to whom i have surrendered my life 23 years ago is the same God that i cling to now. who accepts me with open arms no matter how many times i stumble and fall. He never turned His back at me, no matter how sinful i am. i will be forever grateful for the CROSS.

i'm prepared for 2010. 2009 was tough and i know that 2010 will be more difficult, but i'm not scared, i am ready to face my battle and challenges. so bring it on 2010.