..:: HeartBreaker's Blotter ::..

it's time...

2010-01-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

moving out to a new home.

HB & HB

2010-01-08T18:38:00.003+08:00

heartbreaker and huckleberry

i-snap:seven over 365

2010-01-07T18:21:00.003+08:00

multiple exposure: text addict; sanctuary; paint on the wall

(from 3 pictures...)

i-snap:six over 365

2010-01-06T21:38:00.024+08:00

(from top L-R: paint-on-the-wall, let there be light,

cewes & HB,

she: all natural, the photographer)

blogoversary of primipara

2010-01-06T15:46:00.005+08:00

after more than 4 years...the blotter is still at work...

and hopefully will still be up until my last breath

hApPy AnNiVeRsArY!!!

(HB to primipara: thanks so much for existing.

you've been a great help to keep my sanity through all these years...

**mamamuah**)

thanks to teena in toronto for reminding me.

i-snap: five over 365

2010-01-05T19:47:00.002+08:00

01.05.2010

(L-R: like mother, like daughter;

(T-B): light as it is; mac user; dila ulit;

less napkins, more plants)

goofing around with shenice @ MMC

i-snap: four over 365

2010-01-04T18:58:00.003+08:00

take me away...the secret place...

HB: my lemonada

HB: and these are not my twins...

i-snap: three over 365

2010-01-03T21:10:00.004+08:00

optimus prime's stop-over @ McCafe

activity center @ glorietta

HB on phone...walang poise.

sunsetting @ coastal bay

i-snap: two over 365

2010-01-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

01.02.09

i-snap: one over 365

2010-01-01T15:00:00.004+08:00

since it's new year, it's really hard to pick 3 photo of the day among thousands of pictures...so this is excuse for now...photo of the day.

mah family...

2010-01-01T11:14:00.001+08:00

2010...Happy New Start, Happy New Year to all

2010-01-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get IT right!

Be always at war with your vices,

at peace with yourself and

“at love” with everyone else."

my 2009

2009-12-31T21:58:00.004+08:00

2010 will be in itself different and remarkable. besides, it is the last year of the first decade of the 21st century.

each year is different from the other. my 2009 gave me different experiences, i had my ups and downs and my just-in-the-middle kind of living in a day to day basis. and if there's one thing 2009 is similar from my previous years it is filling up my agenda in every second, and each and every tick is remarkable and it made something in me to a different person. turning me into a new mortal (could be a better one or worst than before).

to start of -- i turned 31 this year, still a wife and bestchum to my husband but now a mother and playmates of my 2 lovely boys. i've gained weight from 2007 because of me being pregnant before that year end, and gave birth to my 080808 boy last year, and i am still having a hard time shedding the weight off from me. i enrolled myself into boxing as my way of exercise, but i only stayed in the program for less than 2 months. not because i got bored, but because i was called to be in a project. i love BOXING and i believe that this is the workout for me (i just hope i can hop back soon on the ring -- don't bother to ask for the reason why am i saying this). i am still a project at work in reaching my target weight, so crossing my fingers that i will not get sick and tired of trying.

my mom was stated to be in 4th stage cancer by her onco about 3 months ago, that's really not good news. but mom has been a cancer-fighter for 9 years now. few years ago, she was declared to be cancer-free and it stayed that way for almost6-7 years. then came 2007, the cancer came back. and it was even a greater battle for my mom. she's a tough woman, and she's always ready to fight again, and if it's really time to let go, i know my mom is also prepared for that moment. my mom has always been a good testimony of a cancer-survivor-fighter. and for now, our heart's desire is to bring her to fuda cancer hospital in guangzhou, china. we never lose our faith in God.

i lost interest on some stuff that i used to love -- and one of them is taking photos. specially when i get to go out of the country, one thing i usually do is take photos of everything i find interesting and even me being a camera-whore. i gave up my old digicam and handed it over to my sister -- my canon A530 has served me well for the past 4 years and it was wonderful having it around and capture lot of interesting things in my life. another thing is watching movies and tv series, being a tv addict myself, i think only for this year i had rehab in this addiction, about 80% of my tv life was removed from my senses. maybe because i was in a project for about 10 months, and was asked to work almost 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and even holidays (just to make it clear, it was not voluntary but enforced to us...blek!!!). i've seen few movies during my stay at jakarta, but still missed-out most of the movies (with the very same reason i said above).

in terms of gadgets and collections, i got some few stuff...some where upgraded some are really new. before the year ended last 2008, the company gave us a 2GB flash drive that we call as hydro (but i named mine as HORNETS), and when i arrived home from jakarta i was given another flash drive with 4GB capacity (and i named her, HONICS). my bettyb00py (company laptop assigned to me) was upgraded too early this year. from 1.5GB memory to 3.5GB memeory and from 160GB to 320 GB HD. as for mobile phones: i got 2 additional cellphone, the nokia N71 (named: pangga) and the htc p3400i (named: catwoman). and the latest toy i got is my canon G11 digicam (named as: the serial killer) up to this moment, i am still playing around it and so far, i'm so loving it...love love love this cam. for my jeans collection, i was able to reward myself with 2 pairs of levi's redtab jeans, and 1 non-branded jeans. i also had 2 LV, 1 kipling and 1 non-branded bag that is so cute (with sexy fashionista cats as the print) to add up in my bag collections. the husband also got me a pair of high-cut yellow chuck, and 3 sets of crocs (thankee pangga *mamamuah*).

i still work in the same company (for 9 years, 5 months and 1 day), but i have gained more knowledge about my work this year. if there's a thing i love in what i do now, is learning new techy things. upgrading my knowledge and somewhat makes me competitive and still marketable in my so called "field of expertise".

more than all the stuff i lost and have gained, more than all the places i visited and events that i missed, what really matters at the end of the day is what kind of person i have become with all the things that passed my way in 2009. i still love and loved more people, but i was also broken and had my heart torn into bits, it's so painful. sometimes i'm not at my right state, i lost balance, my wits and serenity. that at times i blame the world for it's cruelty cause i'm so much in pain, then i feel numb. i look and stand in the rain so no one will see that i am crying -- that's how i wanted nature to sympathize with me. i often soak my self in the shower, and drown all my hurts, troubles and frustrations. but that doesn't stop there. with every fall i i had, i learn how to pick every pieces of me and stand again. that every after storm there's a rainbow with a pot of gold waiting for me. i am thankful that i was gifted with the ability to let go easily, but sometimes i also see it as a disadvantage cause i feel like i still want to mourn and be emotional about losing and letting go. another thing that i am thankful about is how easily i can just grab a box of chocolate and a cup of my caramel macchiato everytime i feel so down, it just makes my life sweet. and to my (very few) loyal trusted friends, thanks guys for being you and for slapping me at times i needed it -- and by that i know that you are a true friend cause you guys never tolerated my stupidity...thanks thanks thanks. i'm grateful that i belong my family who never cease to love me, understand me and support me come what may. to my family and friends i will always and forever love love love you guys. and of course, i will alway be proud to say that i am a christian -- that the God to whom i have surrendered my life 23 years ago is the same God that i cling to now. who accepts me with open arms no matter how many times i stumble and fall. He never turned His back at me, no matter how sinful i am. i will be forever grateful for the CROSS.

i'm prepared for 2010. 2009 was tough and i know that 2010 will be more difficult, but i'm not scared, i am ready to face my battle and challenges. so bring it on 2010.

so true...

2009-12-31T10:04:00.004+08:00

30 years ago.

merry CHRISTmas to all....

2009-12-25T00:01:00.002+08:00

the new toy is now in town...

2009-12-21T23:45:00.001+08:00

the serial killer

(more than meets the eye)

yeah baby, welcome to the family....

today is the day

2009-12-19T07:33:00.003+08:00

i feel like singing now...

(with modified wordings of course...hehehe)

all my bags are packed

i'm ready to go

i'm standing here outside the door

i have to wake myself up to say goodbye

but the dawn is breakin' it's early morn

i'm waiting for my ride to come

already i'm so happy, i'm alive

...

cause i'm leavin' on a jet plane

don't want to be back again

oh yes, i love to go

nyahahaha... and that's what a person can do being away from home for so looooong time.

TTFN.

missing this so much...missing my pepper.

2009-12-16T12:02:00.002+08:00

i love walking in the rain...

2009-12-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

'cause then no one knows i'm crying

-- charlie chaplin

for good-bye

2009-12-15T12:50:00.001+08:00

she paused for thought.
"...i think, letting you go long ago has come full circle now."

then she just wept loudly and cried as many tears as the water from her shower flows down to her body. she's soaked with water, but debilitating inside.

he doesn't want her to cry but e
veryone needs a moment for themselves once in a while, and everyone deserves to cry when they are hurting, this was her moment and she wishes for rain to fall from the sky.

"i'm still good, but i am not fine for now." letting go is never gentle, it is not an overnight thing, it is one thing a person needs to deal with her mind and her heart...especially if she's releasing something she hold dear. she was not prepared to handle the big difference she chose to ignore for whatever it is she felt.

this already happened before, she knew this will happen again. it took her years to let go before and suffice to say, she has moved on. now, as he moves forward, she will walk away further from it. it took a while for her to realize that this is the right thing to do.

for now, the way things are, the way thing fell into it's proper perspective, matters more than the past that's been lived again and again because she could not let him go. she used to live in a fantasy that cared less to reality...but that fantasy will never happen, now that reality bit her, it took sometime, but it hit her hard this time.

they are still friends and will always be friends. her parting words are, "i will need to learn how to let go first before i can be a good friend to you".

be well.

nicely done...

2009-12-12T11:15:00.002+08:00

amazing...beautiful....

2009-12-12T01:51:00.000+08:00

discover the meaning of CHRISTmas...

huli man at magaling...

2009-12-08T02:08:00.002+08:00

huli pa din. damn, how can i forget?

5 years, and still counting...

(happy anniv, pannga).

Familiarity Can Cause Disrespect

2009-11-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus.

— 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Familiarity can breed contempt or disrespect. Think of how a person treats a new car. He admires it, thinks it is beautiful, washes it all the time, and expects everyone to be very careful when inside it.

But what happens when the car has been around for a few years? It is now dirty all the time, dented, full of empty soda cans and hamburger wrappers. What happened? The owner became familiar with it, took it for granted, and no longer showed it the same respect he did when it was new. He could have kept it looking and running as if it was new had he given it the attention he had in the beginning.

We find a great example of the dangers of familiarity in the Bible concerning the ark of God. When David was attempting to bring it home, a man called Uzza put out his hand to steady the ark on the cart that was carrying it, and God struck him dead because no one was supposed to touch it (See 1 Chronicles 13).

Uzza knew the strict guidelines concerning the ark, so why did he touch it? I believe it was because it had been stored in his father's home for quite some time, and he had become familiar with it. His respect level had lowered without his even knowing it, simply due to his being around the ark too much. In this case, familiarity cost him his life.

It is the same thing that happens in a marriage, or a friendship, or with any privilege we are afforded. New things seem wonderful, but when we become familiar with them, we begin to have less respect for them, or even contempt. Don't let what is special become mundane. To keep from taking each other for granted, we can practice remembering how precious people are and focus on thankfulness for their presence in our lives.

i wept.

2009-11-24T22:54:00.002+08:00

(The irreplaceable void)

A story worth sharing

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling

that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes

me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the

day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : 'The letters were for Mummy.'

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.... I told my son, "Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy". My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven't you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can

treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

in remembrance of the Maguindanao martyrs

2009-11-24T13:47:00.002+08:00

"NEVER AGAIN!"

2009-11-21T02:32:00.001+08:00

To my future husband,

It is important for me to write to you now, even before we know each other, because there is still time for both of us to think about our future and to make wise decisions.

There are so many things I want to tell you. Girls are like that, you know. I want to share my dreams with you. I want to trust you to listen and to care about what I say,. You are very important to me.

When I think about getting married, I think about much more than just the wedding dress, bridesmaids, flowers, invitations and parties. To me, getting married means sharing the rest of my life with you. Growing old together - 'til death do us part - with a lot of living in between. It means growing and changing and living through the good times as well as the bad. It means loving each other when it is difficult.

I look forward to a happy life with you and our children, but I'm not so unrealistic that I think we won't have any problems or difficulties. Those will be the growing times when our love and commitment will be tested, and we will emerge stronger, wiser and more deeply in love. I know that we need each other to be holy and to become the man and woman God created s to be.

God has already chosen us for each other. That is so awesome to me! I can hardly wait to meet you, but I know I have to be patient because it will only happen when it is God's time for us to come together. Until then, I can think about you and pray for you and hope that you are thinking about me and praying for me, too. I hope so much that you are waiting for me just as I am waiting for you. I want both of us to do what is right. I want to respect you, and I want you to respect me. I want us to be able to recognize the goodness in each other. I want you to touch my heart with your goodness.

A friend told me once that it is necessary to know what is important to me and to have some "major" requirements when it comes to selecting my spouse. That way it will be easier for me to recognize you when we meet. The "majors" are basically those few character traits that are absolutely essential to me; traits that I just could not compromise on for any reason. I know the most important "major" is that my husband will have to know God, to love Him and to be willing to keep Him first in our lives. I have seen so much joy and happiness in families where God is the center, and now that I am older, I realize how important God is. I want our family to be happy too, and I know we cannot do it without God.

The next "Major" would be unselfishness. I'm not perfect in this area either, but I want both of us to be unselfish. We cannot go through life thinking only of ourselves. We have to be willing to make sacrifices for each other and for our children. We have to be willing to love. That's not always easy, but unless we are committed to a lifetime of loving unselfishly, our marriage will never succeed.

We have to be honest too. No marriage can survive without honesty and trust. I know we will spend many hours just talking and learning about each other by sharing our thoughts and our feelings, our hopes, our dreams and our fears. I want us to be very comfortable with each other.

I want so much to love you. And, I want you to love me. I want to be cherished, to be the most important person in your life, to be your most intimate friend. I want to be your wife. I want you tenderness and affection, your kindness and you strength. I want to be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world, and I want to be there when your spirit is crushed. I want to feel protected and secure in your love and to trust you at all times. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to encourage you to stand up for your beliefs and always to do what is right. I want to stand beside you as we go through life together.

Remember, I said the wedding dress is not all that important? Well, the most important thing about the wedding dress is what it represents. The beauty of the white fabric symbolizes the purity of the bride. I want my dress to be that symbol to you. I want to cherish my virginity so that my gift of myself to you will be pure and holy. I want so much for you to do the same for me.

The world has cheapened and trivialized our beautiful gift of sexuality. It has ignored its awesome power to unite a man and a woman in marriage and to be the source of their greatest blessings, their children. I don't want us ever to lose that sense of awe and reverence for this wonderful gift God designed for married couples. The power of our sexuality is so sacred. It is important to me that you believe that, too. It's a "major". We don't have to make all the mistakes many of our older friends have made. We can have God's best if we do it His way.

So, why in the world am I telling you all of this? Because it's on my mind. I do think about you a lot. I hope and pray that we will be strong enough to combat the lies the world has told us. The things we do and say today can affect the rest of our lives. We do have to think and to care about the way we live today. You are so important to me. Our future is important to me. Our marriage and our children are important to me. That's why all of this matters.

I want to be your wife, and I want you to be my husband. Neither of us will ever be the perfect spouse, but we can strive to please God and to do His will. By doing that now and after we are married, I know we will have the grace we need to help each other and our children get to Heaven. And, after all, that's really all that matters in the end.

So, future husband, I hope this letter makes a difference to you. I really do exist. Please wait for me. I am waiting for you.

Lovingly yours,

Your Future Wife

pepper turns 4.

2009-11-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

i can not believe how time flies, my first baby is now 4. as if it was only yesterday that we were praying for a baby, then we got pregnant. i can still remember the first time i saw him from the nursery, i was so scared and i was in tears. the moment i first cuddled and nursed him, it was the first time i felt that i am a mother. i can not fathom how such beautiful creation grow and come out from me. and how God can be so gracious to us mates. of all the many couples who has been married for a long long time and never cease to pray for a baby, God, why us?

lexin is one of the best(est) gift i received from God and i will forever be grateful to Him for sharing me lexin. my life will never be complete without him. i never had a dull, regreting moment with my pepper. he never cease to amaze me all the time we're together -- believe it or not but i learned so many things through him. he might not be the smartest and the most behave toddler in the world -- but his sweetness and the way he loves & care for me and his dad, is immeasurable...for me he is the 1st best and advanced kid i ever encountered in my entire life (of course salt is the second...hehehe).

to my uno, my pong-pong, my balong, my pepper...my lexin. i love love love you so much, my baby. my prayer for you is still the same prayer i lift to God everyday....that you grow up to be a fine person -- fearing God, respecting yourself and others, valuing life, education and the every gift it offers. that in perfect time, you will find the woman you will forever love, treasure, and have kids.

i can not promise to give you the moon and the stars, but one thing is for sure, that i will be forever loyal and supportive to you my love. i will be forever thankful to you and johann for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. thank you.

happy, happy birthday, my LEXIN.

name that thingy....

2009-10-30T23:11:00.006+08:00

seriously?

i never took it seriously when me and my girlfriends talk about that (may it be the v or the p). naming it is more of a "code" during our giggling chit-chats...but never really thought it was serious. i mean that people really name their thingy. ok....not so new about this topic i guess. but it amuses me that there's actually a lot...and here are just some of the "approved nickname" to call your thingy... (hhmmm, i think i'll pick "your breakfast" if incase i need to name it). how about you? :

25 approved nicknames for our genital organs

25 approved nicknames for my genital organs

(photos courtesy of http://www.aboriginalartstore.com.au/)

sweet

2009-10-06T16:36:00.003+08:00

forwarded email worth posting

2009-10-06T10:33:00.005+08:00

HOLD A TRUE FRIEND AND DON'T LET GO

friends....

they love you, but they are not your lover.

they care for you, but they are not from your family.

they are ready to share your pain, but they are not in your blood relation.

they are FRIENDS.

true friends...

scolds like a dad.

cares like a mom.

teases like a sister.

irritates like a brother.

and finally, loves you more than a lover.

today is october 4...

2009-10-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

calling on my santa

2009-09-11T04:00:00.001+08:00

can i also add this on my list? cool.

haphazard sentiments

2009-09-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

090909.

been dreaming of my scripts for 5 consecutive nights now. and i'm so sick waking up still having them in my head. as i hit the shower, my brain starts to do it's work -- reconstructing all the functions and binding up all the codes...

it's happening again. i had this same experience when i was in london. i used to wake-up in the middle of the night, writing down in my notes all the scripts i dreamt.

oh no...this is bad, this is really bad.

"...just as i thought."

be mine

2009-09-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

finally it's out!

now it's september

2009-09-08T23:01:00.006+08:00

last month of the 3rd quarter. it's been a very busy, frustrating year for me (so far)...but i'm still hoping that the remaining 3 more months will give me something to look forward to, something interesting and something that will reward me with all my hardworks and sacrifices for the past 9 months.

i'm still here in jakarta for a supposedly "short-term" project, but it's been 8 months since i re-activated myself to projects...(that's 3 months in nanjing, and about 5 months now here in indonesia)...leaving the husband, my 3 year-old & 1 year-old boys back home is the hardest part of being here. it's not that i don't like to enjoy jakarta, but with all the time spent at work and all the stress, frustration, etc. etc. i end up spending my short-precious time aside from going to church, is in sleeping. and lucky for me if i get to check emails, tweet, plurk or chat in a day.

so writing a blog, is not my first choice to do when i'm connected. i miss blogging at times (though i don't really count myself as a true blogger)...but yeah, i do miss blogging about anything, posting about my trips, sharing my random thoughts and being careless and just expressing myself...i miss doing things i love to do.

i used to be a camwhore too, but ever since i handed over my point & shoot cam to my sis, my love of taking photos also died-down. but i started writing down my christmas wishlist already to my God, and one of my top items is a Canon G10 or G11 cam...as of when I will have it, only He knows. (but please please please, i hope it will really be soon...hehehe).

2009 and jakarta is not all about frustration and stress at all, it also has its ups.

- as to my work, we are now in UAT (and that's actaully a good sign for us mga alipin sa gigilid)...

- i get to visit 2 new cities (that is jakarta and singapore)

- new pair of levi's jeans (hahaha...ang babaw, but it counts)

- new cellphones, bags, shoes and clothes

- my mom's health progress in fighting over cancer

- my dad's recovery and survival from another heart problem

- the husband's new job

my list may go on and on, cause there's a lot actually...so 2009 is not that bad at all. but my recent ups are seeing my salt taking his first few steps...(yipee...he started walking na...) and of course, i'm really really looking forward for my pepper's 1st international travel (visiting and spending 1 week holiday here with me, with the husband minus salt though).

so now, it's september 8, and this is my first entry for the month.

happy 13 month birthday to my salt also.

good old pearl...goodbye

2009-08-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

dad & bonsai

2009-08-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

checked my mail

2009-08-17T01:49:00.002+08:00

...but i didn't see you there.

he's officially 1 today

2009-08-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

august 7

2009-08-07T00:00:00.001+08:00

i'm officially another year older...yay!

6am flight...

2009-08-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

see-ngapore, here i come. see yah tomorrow.

haaay!

2009-07-31T00:56:00.003+08:00

ewan ko ba...i should be rejoicing by now, cause i'll be flying back home on saturday. but i'm having these weird feelings lately...happy-sad-excited-lonely-happy...halo-halo na talaga. maybe sign of anxiety na din, after almost 6 months of killing myself sa project na to, i'm totally torn.

as a matter of fact, i don't really know what to write and why i am writing this blog. my eyes are heavy and it's telling me to sleep already, i'm not really used of sleeping early (insomiac) but lately i've been sleeping early and wakes-up kinda late for work...that's why i get sleepy at work. and coffee is not helping me anymore.

see? this blog doesn't have any sense at all. i just write whatever comes into my mind. (while listening to rachelle alejandro's old song -- "paalam na", yeah yeah, way too emo!).

haay, nako! tama na nga...walangwentato!

while walking from the grocery store

2009-07-30T12:21:00.000+08:00

have you ever thought of going back time and having things the other way around? correcting what's wrong? being in a place and time that you missed?

well, i thought of it a while ago. i've been missing almost 2 years of my eldest son's life and 6 months of my youngest...maybe it's just a number but i could have witnessed their first steps, the coming out of thier first tooth, i could have heard them say their first real words, they could have uttered "mom" as thier first word...but all of those, i missed. and i regret it so much.

i really feel sorry for myself, for not able to take care of my kids in their crucial stage and not being a parent to them. i feel guilty all the time, when i'm with them and get irritated at times. i cry at my emo corner and get angry at myslef. i can not afford to scold at them and get angry, for i wasn't there to guide them and show them what's right from wrong.

there are things i know about my kids, but sad to say that now, i don't know what's their favorite toy, activities and places to go to. i can't even estimate anymore their sizes of clothes and shoes, can't make a booking to their pedia for their check-ups and vaccines. really sad.

more than anything in the world, all i really wanted is to wakeup one day and be a mom to my kids and a wife to my hubby.

i'm back to the bank, and back to work.

dreams

2009-07-29T20:29:00.007+08:00

they said that if you had bad dreams, share it to other people so it will not happen.

it's like cutting the jinx. not that i believe, but i wanna share my dream the other day still.

my phone alarm woke me up 6 in the morning, but as usual i snooze it for another 15 minutes and another 15 minutes...

i remember seeing my colleagues here in the bee project in the picture, and we were like discussing work stuff. all of a sudden i just saw my dad talking to me and scolding at me (for the reason i don't know...but i assume as in real life he always talk to me about my work, leaving and my family).

he dragged me back to his car (convertible-type one) , and still scolding at me. i sat beside him as if i'm an 8 year old girl, while the other bee people are also in the car (i don't know why). he kept on talking and talking while driving until we reached the end of the road, and dive down from a cliff to a huge body of water with un-even levels of falls...it's kinda weird cause in my previous dreams, i've been to this same place (..and i drown). my dad's car definitely went down and we were scattered all over the ocean (well i called it ocean). i was tossed a bit far from the others, while the hubby yells at me "...malalim na jan sobra!!!" i swam towards this wall that i clung to...

and called for my dad..."daddy, daddy...help me!!!" i kept yelling for my dad to rescue me, and he said yes. finally, he dived and swam towards me, but he never floated after that dive. i lost my dad...i started crying, and yelling..."dad, dad...where are you dad?" i felt like i couldn't hold any longer to the wall, and i kept on calling for my dad still. i tried to hang myself on the wall, but seeing the other side of the it scared me more...it's the manila bay (what?!), yes it's the manila bay. this is getting really weird, but i felt so heavy inside me.

i tried to recreate the story in my dreams, but it keeps coming back where i lost my dad. i needed to end this bad dream, so i forced myself to wakeup. and i prayed.

it feels so heavy, i felt so sad. i got worried about my dad and my family. i was so bothered that i kept calling my dad, and he never answered his phone until i reached him thru my sister's handphone. i'm glad to hear from him, and he is fine and in good shape.

when i sms my sister looking for my dad and telling her about my dream (this is before i was able to talk to my dad on the phone), this is what she texted me back:

"Yes, I am with dad....You have the power to cast out fears and even bad dreams in the Name of Jesus!"

I never questioned the power of prayers and the power of my God. after my conversation with my earthly father, i whispered a big thank you to my Heavenly Father. He is always and forever good to me.

LSS: Always Something There To Remind Me (Naked Eyes)

2009-07-28T02:10:00.001+08:00

I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night
And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold you tight
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

home

2009-07-28T02:06:00.001+08:00

i can almost smell the polutted city of manila...4 days more and i'm back home.

roberto

2009-07-28T00:25:00.004+08:00

"hi roberto."

he immediately turns red, and becomes nervous.

he's one of the nicest, gentleman i've ever met in my life. and i will never ever forget him.

how can i? he's my 1st boyfriend ever, and that will never ever change.

"i want to meet her." are his exact words when he saw my picture at joie's wallet. we were freshmen then, and joie is my bestfriend since kinder. joie had boyfriends before and it's not hard for her to get along with boys. she is so open to the thought that having a boyfriend is just normal. i never had a boyfriend, and i have no plans of having one. i belong to a big coed gang, so i'm not bothered either with the crowd of boys. but to have a boyfriend, is not my cup of coffee. and besides, me and my 4 other sisters had an agreement.

after 2 months, finally me and roberto was introduced formally. hhmm, not my cup of coffee. i've been hearing lots of stories about him wanting to meet me, etc etc...lucky for him that he's friends with joie. after that meeting, he started hanging around with me and my bestfriend...and he started courting me. i turned him down since day 1. second attempt, still i turned him down. third, still a no-no.

don't get me wrong, he is really a nice, smart person. and he's actually cute. especially when he turns red (which is all the time when i'm with him), and he even stutters when he talks to me. he's really cute.

after few months of courting (despite of), my friend joie talked to me, and asked me to give it a shot. bad to say, but yes...i said yes to roberto to my bestfriend's quest.

so obviously, i'm the 1st to break the agreement. i officially have my "illegal" boyfriend. illegal -- cause i can not introduce him to my family as my boyfriend. at the age of 13 i already have my boyfriend...

now it's different. someone is holding my hand already as we walk, someone is waiting for me afer school and taking me home. someone is showering me with cards, gifts and chocolate almost every day...it is different. it feels good actually, but i'm not used to it yet.

roberto is a very conservative guy, the typical one. and still, he turns red and he stutters when i'm around. he's less of a talker, but more of a listener. more than him i have a very strong personality i guess, or maybe i'm just aggressive.

summer of that school year, i broke up with roberto. it's not him, it is me. no, wait...it is actually him and also me. i just feel like i needed to call it quits already not because i wanted to hurt him, but because mi tried to give him the wheel of our realationship, but he never took hold of it. i don't want to be a manipulator, i don't want to be the head of a relationship. he's the guy, he should be leading me.

my only regret when i broke up with roberto is uttering wrong words...i offered him my other friend who is looking for a boyfriend at that time, which is i think the worst thing i've ever done to him, and i think the cause of him not talking to me directly until we graduated high school.

almost everyone in school knows about us, our past and still they associate us with each other until 4th year. he talks to me, but not really directly to me, even if i talk to him, he answers back through someone. so funny and so high-school, on our 3rd year & 4th year we belong to same section and even to the same gang, but still he never talked to me since then directly. he never had any girlfriend during our entire high school life after me.

after graduation, i attempted to call him, to finally resolve the issue. he talked to me over the phone but still he never talked to me in person. when my sister died, he went to the burial. he stayed there almost the entire day. i sat beside him, offered him food, talked to him, but he never answered back for he went there alone. it's okay, i don't expect him to talk to me, his presence during my low point is enough to tell me, "i'm here as a friend."

i still consider him a friend. in a very short period of time i learned to know roberto. i know that deep in his heart, i am a friend to him.

for the longest time, we lost contact of each other. until 2004, before i got married. i saw him in a restaurant with a girl and i am with my fiance too. i just felt the urge to go to him and say hi. i introduced him to my finace and he introduced me to his friend. we exchange short hi-hello and updates...and as expected, he blushed and stuttered...hahaha...so cute.

it feels good to bump to him again, and introduce him to my husband-to-be. i proudly told my finace that he was my 1st boyfriend.

the last time i saw roberto was when we had our easterlily reunion last 2007, before i went to london the 2nd time. with him is his pregnant wife. now he's the one who initiated the conversation with me. he is now a licensed doctor (as what he always wanted to be, just like his parents). we didn't talk that long, but i'm happy that he is happy.

yes, he still blushed and still a little stuttered when we talked. hmm, still cute.

i'm a mistress

2009-07-26T23:22:00.003+08:00

guilty of it.

wait...before you judge me let me clear this to you. i believe that being a mistress does not only apply to relationships with other people. it can also be to an "it".

it's like wanting something you can never have, and needing something you can never own.

life itself is already complicated and humans are like that, they want complicated things, they want adventure, they want to challenge themselves...because again, life is complicated. or maybe it's just me.

we often hear people say we want a settled, quiet life, be content and happy of what you have...yeah that's all what we wanted. but in reality, there will always come a point that perplexity will happen.

my parents frequently tells me that i'm so aggressive and have a very strong will power. stubborn might be the best description i can give on who i am. i've been wanting and needing lot of things in my life, that i can never ever have. and most of the time i go beyond my limits, i take the plunge and take the risk. win or loose, at the end i tell to myself, "at least i tried."

i'm still wanting and needing things in my life that i can never ever have...so yes, i'm still and will always be a mistress of something. i'm just human.

catching up...

2009-07-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

on my twitter and plurk...

another new baby

2009-07-20T09:00:00.002+08:00

levi's red tab dark 593...

few reasons why you should love your wife...and women in general

2009-07-16T02:03:00.003+08:00

This is a beautiful article:

The woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as

you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your

Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system

that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as

much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook

food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,

and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,

a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as

to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply

Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,

relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some

and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this......

Please appreciate "HER"

I hope you will do....

Respect Her.

to my pangga...

2009-07-14T00:01:00.002+08:00

at times i'm absentminded,

at times i'm kinda cross,

at times i may act as if i think i'm the boss,

at times i'm a little quiet especially when i'm kinda worried,

at times i'm just simply stubborn and hard-headed when i think i'm being rushed,

at times i act a little spoiled,

at times i'm moody too,

but there one thing i always am --

and that's in love with you.

happy birthday, conce.

Cheesey Chickendoodle

2009-07-12T21:58:00.003+08:00

MY NEW NAME IS IN THE TITLE LINE....DON'T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR NEW NAME IS.

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.

Please don't be a bore and ruin it.

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.

Here is your dose of humor...

Follow the instructions to find your new name.

And don't go all adult -- a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer!

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

So:

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle, b = doombah, c = goober, d = cheesey, e = crusty, f = greasy, g = dumbo, h = farcus, i = dorky, j = doofus, k = funky, l = boobie, m = sleazy, n = sloopy, o = fluffy, p = stinky, q = slimy, r = dorfus, s = snooty, t = tootsie, u = dipsy, v = sneezy, w = liver, x = skippy, y = dinky, z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin, b = feather, c = batty, d = burger, e = chicken, f = barffy, g = lizard, h = waffle, i = farkle, j = monkey, k = flippin, l = fricken, m = bubble, n = rhino, o = potty, p = hamster, q = buckle, r = gizzard, s = lickin, t = snickle, u = chuckle, v = pickle, w = lickin, x = dingle, y = gorilla, z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt, b = boob, c = face, d = nose, e = hump, f = breath, g = pants, h = shorts, i = lips, j = honker, k = head, l = tush, m = chunks, n = dunkin, o = brains, p = biscuits, q = toes, r = doodle, s = fanny, t = sniffer, u = sprinkles, v = frack, w = squirt, x = humperdinck, y = hiney, z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

So, what's your new name?

andy, my andy

2009-07-06T02:34:00.004+08:00

today, i postpone almost all my activites and waited for the wimbledon finals.

who's playing? roddick vs. federer... i love them both so whoever wins, my applause to both of you.

(add nadal on the list, btw.)

i was surprise when i learned that roddick is playing for the finals, (not) an authentic fan as i am but i like roddick cause he's good-looking but (honestly) not really on how he is at the court (oh well, that's an added factor).

he did not win the game (sad to say), but i give him 10 kisses for giving his best and for playing so well...

so congratulations roger federer for winning the wimbledon...

hugs and kisses to andy, my andy.

shenice...is 3 today

2009-07-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

habertdey, our li'l princess!

missing maria

2009-07-01T01:45:00.002+08:00

H(35th)BD, ate che!

goodbye, ben.

2009-06-26T16:50:00.005+08:00

When I heard last year that he is having internal-bleedings...I knew right then that he will bid-goodbye soon.

And last night MJ said goodbye to the world.

In remembrance of him, below is my (ever) fav song of Jacko:

BEN

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)

I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben

my new baby...

2009-06-22T12:11:00.000+08:00

red tab, button-fly 522...yipee!!!

to my pangga...

2009-06-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

to my dad...

to bravy...

to dade...

to glenn...

happy D-A-D's day to you guys!!!

(mamamuah!)

(and to all the dad and dad-to-be.)

a month on 21st

2009-06-17T00:31:00.008+08:00

staying in jakarta, indonesia for almost a month now...i can say that it's not that bad at all. i am still trying to get the hang of it and is trying to appreciate things around me.

besides, in here...i am a weekly millionaire...hahaha.

(literally had my 1st million on hand last may 22, 2009 -- after changing some of my allowance...hahaha!). at least once in my life i can say that i lived as a millionaire for few months, really cool.

here are some of the words i've learned and is using on day-to-day basis:

food

tidak pedas - not (tidak) spicy (pedas)

ayam - chicken
nasi goreng - fried (nasi) rice (goreng)
telor - egg
soto - soup
chabi - chilli
kue - cookie
bubur - porridge

direction

kiri - left

kanan - right (same in tagalog)

lurus - straight

masuk - enter

keluar - exit

berhenti - stop

greetings and time

kemarin - yesterday

hari ini - now

besok - tomorrow

(selamat) pagi - good morning

(selamat) siang - good noon

(selamat) sore - good afternoon

(selamat) malam - good evening

conversations & others

selamat - good

terima kasi (ma kasi) - thank you (thanks)

di sini - here

chabang - branch

bangeeet - very

lagi - again

tinggal - stay

(selamat) tinggal - goodbye

jam - watch

iya - yes

orang - people

kotong - empty

tidak - no/not

ole ole - pasalubong

sentil - pitik

belum - not yet

cubit - pinch

jelek - ugly

cantik - pretty

ganteng - handsome

sama sama -- all together or you're welcome
kelitik - tickle

numbers will follow soon...promiseness...hahaha...(according to noodle)

14 years ago...

2009-06-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

and i still miss you. missing you so much ate che-che.

on choosing between 2 evils

2009-06-08T00:23:00.004+08:00

"...choose the one you never tried before."

i once heard someone telling me this. sounds funny, but i think she has a point. if you are in a position where you are left with 2 regretful things...what will you choose? it's a lose-lose situation, anyway. i opt to try it...

they said, choose the lesser evil...but in the eyes of God, it is still evil...no half-point earned.

guilt

2009-06-07T22:51:00.003+08:00

ei..

it's been a while since the last time i really write my own blog.

aside from being trapped in a project, i just don't know what to write (at least worth writing about).

oh well, i'm not even sure if this entry will even make sense or whatever...but i just wanna pour it out from me.

probably, because i feel so stupid...about almost everything i've been doing lately in my life. i never thought of even thinking before uttering words and acting on things...i just do whatever i feel like doing at that moment, and i even allow myself to be persuaded by whatever or whoever surrounds me.

ok, ok...i did something extremely stupid last friday and it is the worst decision i've ever made in my entire life, and that i will always regret i've done it.

yes, i do feel guilty and yes, i've come to a realization that i can never cover up that mistake anymore...

things will never be the same even if i pretend that nothing happened... and time will come that i will have to pay the price of that mistake.

lies...pretends to be true for a moment, but will give you lifetime guilt afterwards.

this is me....official verdict, GUILTY!

my new toy

2009-06-02T03:04:00.005+08:00

H T C P3400

(that will soon-to-be the husband's)

seriously??

2009-05-18T17:22:00.003+08:00

60 years ago women in trousers were considered cross-dressers. Do these people also have a problem with priests in their cassocks?

2009-04-28T07:56:00.003+08:00

"Certainly, I dressed up as a woman because I am a woman. If I dressed up in a masculine way, that would be the time that I would be crossdressing."

LSS: Gravity (Sara Bareilles)

2009-04-10T16:41:00.002+08:00

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do

I'll still feel you here

'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much

than to drown in your love

and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]

Set me free, leave me be.

I don't want to fall another moment

into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall,

just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while

and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees

as I try to make you see

that you're everything I think I need

here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe

though I can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know

is that you're keeping me down.

Your keeping me down,

Your on to me, your on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes to long…

pak who?

2009-03-20T20:45:00.001+08:00

"like ko pa naman yung jacket, hehehe..."
(sorry for the blurry shot...pix taking is not allowed)

huwat?

2009-03-20T20:40:00.002+08:00

ok na sana e...

if this is true

2009-03-20T14:17:00.002+08:00

...damn you, gloria!

just wanna share

2009-03-19T16:33:00.003+08:00

happy to have 2GB additional memory for my bettyboop...woohoo!!!

(...next is my HDD ;-) )

LSS: The Show (South Border)

2009-03-19T13:23:00.003+08:00

INTRO

Uh uh oh oh oh [2x]

Uh uh oh

Bounce baby, take it slow [3x]

Then get on the floor

CHORUS

Show me what you got

Take me to the spot

Where you want me to

Touch you, taste you, feel you

Show me what you got

Take me to the spot

I know you want me to

Touch you, taste you, feel you

On a night like this

I just can't miss

The opportunity

To stroke your sexy body

Down on the dance floor

But you know I want some more

More than just flirtin'

I need some body bumpin'

REFRAIN

Baby girl, I see you comin'

Wearin' that sexy smile

Temperatures risin'

Send shivers down my spine

My heart keeps poundin', baby

You'll give me a heart attack

All systems on overload

I know I'm gonna explode

Quick draw, we're down on the floor

We haven't even started, why you shout for more

Can you handle this, why you closin' the door

I'll be comin' to you, baby like we was on tour

Turn off the lights, I'll put on some rubber...

Shoes for runnin' then take off our clothes

We can tickle and nible

You can ride me just like Evel Knievel

Whoa! Wait a minute, check that out!

I can see your pussy, cat is out

We'll forget about that, we better concentrate

I know you gotta get home and it's already late so...

Suppa freak, I got you on my mind

Been thinkin' about your sexy body all the time

The things you did to me, it was off the hook

I guess you really memorized the Kama Sutra book

I got my own syle and I call it Doggy

I know you can't wait 'cause the bed is soggy

Must be the rain, don't close your window

It doesn't really matter, just enjoy the show

Sometimes I really rhyme fast, sometimes I rhyme slow

You gotta wait a minute, damn grow, damn grow

The rumble in the jungle, let's get it on

Put the pedal to the metal, get the friction on so...

HB & astroboy in nanjing, china

2009-03-15T14:25:00.003+08:00

from rizzle razzle

2009-03-15T14:23:00.003+08:00

my emo moment (here at starbucks)

2009-03-15T14:17:00.001+08:00

my 1 month in nanjing

2009-03-09T19:28:00.001+08:00

庆玲

Ching Ling is my new Chinese name...

(courtesy of Dane Cai -- my friend)

francis m., we salute yo!

2009-03-06T14:00:00.002+08:00

sad note of the day for the year 2009.

as a tribute,...this is just one of my fav of all his songs.

(feeling emo...really sad)

Kaleidoscope World

So many faces, so many races
Different voices, different choices
Some are mad, while others laugh
Some live alone with no better half
Others grieve while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse
Some are pure and some half-bred
Some are sober and some are wasted
Some are rich because of fate and
Some are poor with no food on their plate
Some stand out while others blend
Some are fat and stout while some are thin

Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most, yeah

Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

Some are great and some are few
Others lie while some tell the truth
Some say poems and some do sing
Others sing through their guitar strings
Some know it all while some act dumb
Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum
Some can swim while some will sink
And some will find their minds and think
Others walk while others run
You can't talk peace and have a gun
Some are hurt and start to cry
Don't ask me how don't ask me why

Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most, yeah

Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

When You're Mad - Ne-Yo

2009-03-05T14:49:00.001+08:00

It's just the cutest thing
When you get to fussing (cussing)
Yelling and throwing things
I just wanna eat you up
I don't mean no disrespect
When I start staring
Knowing that it makes you madder (uh, oh)
I'm sorry but seeing you mad is so sexy

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I ain't sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

Baby, don't think I don't take you seriously
But I just can't help the fact that your attitude excites me (so exciting)
And you know ain't nothing better
Then when we get
Mad together and have angry sex (I'll blow you out)
Then we forget what we were mad about

[Hook]
Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I'm not sure, but one thing that I do know is

[Chorus 2x]
Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy

Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
Baby when you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
And when we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're just so damn sexy
When you're mad

that's it.

2009-03-05T12:22:00.001+08:00

and don't ask why anymore.

hornics, hornets...

2009-03-05T09:45:00.003+08:00

emo

2009-03-04T19:11:00.002+08:00

If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine… Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you. - Courtney

haagen-dazs rum raisin ice cream

2009-02-21T14:35:00.002+08:00

in a cold weather at nanjing

good that it is 414 miles away from where we are...

2009-02-20T12:44:00.001+08:00

A giant rat with one-inch-long teeth has been caught in the southern Chinese province of Fujian.

and i confess, i'm addicted to this!?!

2009-02-16T18:14:00.004+08:00

are you addicted to FB?

2009-02-16T13:25:00.002+08:00

10 warning signs that you may be addicted to Facebook

1. Facebook is your home page. - HB: nope.

2. You update your status more than twice a day. - HB: nope. (but i know someone who does, i think even 3x a day...hehehe..too oily!)

3. You have over 500 "friends" half of whom you've never actually met. - HB: nope.

4. As soon as you step away from your computer you're on FB on your phone. - HB: nope.

5. You are a FB stalker. You qualify as a FB stalker if you - HB: hmmm...i'm not sure...ahahahaha! of course, not!

a) click on someone's profile more than once a day even if they haven't messaged or tagged you in a photo. - HB: nope.
b) have dragged and dropped more than 3 FB photos (not from your own profile) - HB: nope.
c) actually go to a place mentioned on someone's page in hopes of seeing them in real life...creepy! - HB: totally, nope!

6. You change your profile picture more than a 12-year=old girl. - HB: nope.

7. You have checked your FB page while reading this article. - HB: nope.

8. You clean up your "wall" so it looks like you spend less time on FB. - HB: nope

9. You are a member of more than 10 groups and respond to every event invitation "attending" even if you have no intention of going. - HB: party yes, more of no.

10. You change your relationship status just to mess with people. - HB: nope.

HB: so, i'm not an addict. but in the thin line of deleting my account already...why?! basta lang!

today...

2009-02-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

is blame someone else day!

super...

2009-02-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

super-friends! ahahaha

acierto,

2009-02-13T18:36:00.007+08:00

i'm writing this message on top of my passport with a chinese-visa inside (hehehe!).

but what i really wanted to say is...

"I ♥ U"

.::♥Breaker::.

and got this as my prize (sweetest valentine message)

...thankee CS!!!

just wanna share...

2009-02-13T18:24:00.003+08:00

my plueys' oh la lace wellies

got myself a valentine gift...

day after friday the 13th

2009-02-13T00:08:00.003+08:00

yes, they call it valentine's day and for some it's a hallmark event.

i can't remember when was the last time (and even the first time) me and the husband really celebrated this event. even during our "kalokohan" stage (as what they often tell us) we both find it corny and too cheezy to celebrate valentine's day. of course i have my reasons...

- first of, i just don't believe in valentine.

- and maybe because me and the husband always celebrate our month-sary (if there's such term)

- i hate going with the crowd. for sure every area of the malls, restaurants, hotels, park, etc. will be jam-packed with lovers, to be lovers and trying to have a lover...hahaha.

- added reason: i'm a chocoholic, but not really a fan of receiving flowers (especially if i need to carry them when i go home or somewhere else...and if it's red roses...so not me!?!)

but i'm not closing my doors in celebrating this event. maybe at least once or twice won't hurt. or this could be a good start for me to try really dating and celebrating valentine's day. so i'm crossing my fingers too.

too all..happy valentine's day!

insert:
and for 2 consecutive years of winning in our office valentine contest (last year: valentine card making contest and this year: sweetest valentine message)...ironic, but classic! hehehe

how do you measure commitment?

2009-02-11T16:24:00.004+08:00

i just arrived from a coffee engagement with a heavy heart.

got into a bit of arguement with my friend, boadskey over coffee regarding commitment. it was suppose to be a chillaxing moment for us to just have bits of chikkas and just enjoy our drinks. but we ended up arguing and not meeting half-way (but it doesn't mean that we hated each other already...hahaha).

i remember that i've been questioned about my commitment once or twice in my life, and honestly, i hate, hate, hate the feeling. on my way back to the office, i was trying to analyze things -- how can i say that i'm really committed? how do one person measure her commitment? how come i was so hurt when i was questioned about my commitment? and how come i'm so affected with the commitment of other people?

i don't really have the answers to all of my questions...and to be honest, until now my ears are still red and hot. i don't know, but there are certain things that i believe about commitment:

- your heart is there.

-if you can only commit 99.9% to your commitment, it's not commitment at all. commitment requires 100% of you (unless you specify certain percentage of your commitment -- which is i find so ironic...whatever?!)

-you will give the "best" of what you've committed

oh, well it's just me and my random thoughts about things can still be changed by time, event, season, another thought and another person.

and yes, me and boardskey parted still best of friends...hehehe.

x's:

just means to say that being friends doesn't require that you agree about all things.

and that arguement (once in a while) is a healthy recipe for relationships...hehehe

base metaphor explained

2009-02-09T17:12:00.003+08:00

by: xkcd.com

happy christening & 6 mos. bday, johann

2009-02-08T16:50:00.000+08:00

my salt (6 mos.) & pepper (3 yrs & 3 mos.)

because it's a copycat

2009-02-06T20:32:00.001+08:00

and it's made in china.

just want to share

2009-02-06T16:52:00.005+08:00

what i, jego and mcbong had for lunch (@ Fely J's GB5):

binagoongang baboy :

pork meat simmered in garlic and finished with just the right amount of sauteed fremented small shrimps

(pinitpit na sile version here)

gule magalang :

an Abe special veggie from the old hometown

cadios

so if you're asking me i want you to know...

2009-02-05T11:23:00.002+08:00

when my time comes
forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
don't resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest.

needs money?

2009-02-05T11:09:00.000+08:00

go to time square...now!

mom...

2009-02-05T00:05:00.002+08:00

if it's true

2009-02-04T18:26:00.002+08:00

i highly recommend this one to...(ahem, ahem) grease.